May 27, 2009~~~Well, here I am “again”….in 2005/2006 I was just “1down99togo”~~~ How my life has changed since I first joined this board in 2005. If you look at my old stats you will see that I had great success then. I had a consistent weight loss for 6 months doing full fast - using Medifast shakes only. I achieved my 100+ pound weight loss, plus earned my 4 stars during that time. Unfortunately my New Lifestyle registration ran out before I was able to post a final thought. Since I now find myself needing the support of the board once again, I am now able to share those thoughts…. I worked so hard to achieve the 111 pound loss, mentally and physically, and was very proud of what I accomplished. I loved the change in myself. I absolutely loved the ability to do anything physically that I challenged myself with, the vibrance that I felt, plus the new wardrobe was pretty fun too! I felt better than I had since I was in high school. The uplifting words from family, coworkers and friends made me glow. I had finally reached my goal weight and actually surpassed it! Success!!! I carefully reintroduced foods but during the second week I was totally taken by surprise when I had the first episode of terrible pain that came with the dreaded gall stones that occasionally follow this choice of weight loss. In those two short weeks I went from ecstatic to in-shock with the knowledge that I would have to face surgery. I forced myself to take the positive approach though….I most likely would have needed the gall bladder removal at some point anyway, and at least I was at a healthy weight for the surgery. All went well with the surgery and shortly afterwards, just when I thought I finally had everything in my life in order I was thrown a total curve….I was told I was too skinny, bony and disgusting by my significant other. What!!!??? After 5 years of suggestions that ‘if only’ I was smaller, things would be perfect and then after finally achieving my goal and expecting our relationship to move into that place of bliss, getting that announcement of disgust tore me apart. I fell into that bad place where I questioned everything I had done. Why did I deny myself for those 6 months if this was the outcome? That is the point that I gave up. I finally came to the realization that nothing would ever make that relationship work, so….. I walked away from that man and returned to what I knew would make me happy. Cooking and creating and enjoying those creations. I wasn’t really happy though, just trying to convince myself that I was as I continued to gain the weight back. In the midst of this weight gain, I met the man of my dreams. He is now my husband, my best friend, my partner. He accepts me for me and has shown me that my size is not what determines the status of our relationship. We have shared many meals…dinners out, pizzas in and I have enjoyed every bite, but I have come to that place that I know I don’t want to be fat any longer. I don’t need to be fat any longer. I want to get back to that healthy size and be comfortable with myself again, so…..here I am “1down99togo*again*”~~~~~~~