July 10, 2004: I have been significantly overweight (mobidly obese) for over 20yrs. I had resigned myself to being a large person and was content with my decision. However, Fall 2003, I started a Public Health master's program and soon discovered (to my dismay), that I was a statistic. I was a 300lbs Hispanic woman who was at a greater risk for cardiovascular disease, diabetes, arthritis, high blood pressure, and anyother chronic disease I could think of. I dropped out of my chronic diseases class because I was felt so uncomfotable with the statistics I was hearing, not to mention paranoia of everyone thinking of me (Poor fat Adriana) when these stats were discussed. To add to the insult, my social activities were being affected by my size. I was avoiding going out with friends and places because I didn't fit in the theater seats/booth or I was going to be too tired at the zoo. I am very outgoing and this was something I was not comfortable with. I was feeling left out!!! And then the final insult came, rather then the freshman 15, I gained 30lbs my first year in grad school!!!! I quickly came to the realization that if I didn't start a serious program soon - I'd continue to gain weight and soon be one of many obese individuals suffering with multiple illness due to my size. Luckly, a friend and my sister decided to join the Optifast weightloss group and together we will loss our weight. About four weeks after starting this process, here I am shaking it up - and what a difference it has made.

NOV 4, 2004: I have completed 20 weeks on the Optifast program and am almost half-way done. The process has been difficult and I still have a ways to go, but.. I now wear my sister's starting size (I finally get to raid her closet), I have great energy, am not fatigued, can wear rings that I purchased in high school, walk with pride and confidence, and am excited to get weighed (who knew I'd ever make that statement). I am learning that food really is food, not a friend, lover, or comfort (who knew!). I am also learning that I can enjoy life without food and am having fun doing it.

Jan 21, 2005: I have just passed into One-derland!! I am so excited. I am making a vow to myself to never, ever weigh over 200lbs again. If, and I mean if I ever get near that number again - this will be my warning system to start watching my food intake and step-up the exercise. I am so happy right now. For anyone who doubts the success of this weight-loss plan - I'm proof. It can be done!! Have faith in yourself - because I do!!

March 8, 2005: I am 1.5lbs away from having lost 150lbs and I am ectatic about the progress I have made regarding my weight-loss, but not without some "negatives". I realize that counseling is a must in my life - food is not an acceptable coping mechanism, being thinner is not the end of all my issues, my skin hangs low (and wobbles to an fro), my bodatious tatas are now itty-bitties (very sad), and this is a process that I will need to work on for the rest of my life. Now for the positives... I love to run (who knew), all the clothes that are now at my disposal, the attention, the lack of attention (don't stick out), that I can fit into the small desks at school and there be room to move around, that I don't sweat in my sleep, and that I am much healthier, My fears...keeping the weight off, tummy flap not reducing anymore than it has, and returning to old habits. Overall... this has been a very rewarding experience. I feel as though the weightloss phase of my journey is coming to a close and I've set my transition date. I will begin re-feeding March 26, 2005 and I will accept the weight that I am at when I reach that point in time. New motto - this is a process....(repeated over and over again). I'm currently researching ways that I can maintain my new lifestyle (palm with food and exercise log), low-cal & low-fat foods, exercise routines I enjoy, supportive friends, support groups, and counseling services. Until the next update...keep shaking!!

August 30, 2005: I have now been on full food for five months and can I tell you this has honestly been the hardest 5 months of my life. I can see where "falling off the wagon" on a daily basis can result in significant weight gains. I am still using food as a crutch and learning "not to" is proving to be a real stuggle - but I persevere. I will not stop the fight. This is why I am posting this latest update - While I lost a great deal of weight on Optifast, keeping the weight off is proving to be the real challenge. How does one live their life amongst all the crazyness and still eat normally and exercise regularly? When you find out - please let me know! My weight has stayed within a 5lb interval (165 to 169). My weight counselor and I have discussed why I should stay here for "a while" and that is to get used to the new body size. And let me say I am really struggling with this mentally. I would like to be 150 (really 125) but I know that I need to accept some compromises in order to learn to live at a smaller size. I know there is still work to be done, once the weight is lost the journey begins. For those of us on this path, you are not alone. Keep shaking, keep moving and keep talking.

March 16, 2006: I have been pondering, reading, and rereading my old and recent posts. Why? Because I need reminding of how far I’ve come to appreciate where I am and where I want to be. Two years ago, I weighed 329lbs. For as long as I can remember, I have been “fat”. I didn’t know what it was like to live in a smaller body. I could barely fit behind the wheel of my car. I no longer fit in clothes from the local plus size store. I couldn’t walk up a slight hill, dreaded stairs, avoided movie theaters (killed my hips) or a restaurant booth, avoided men, had trouble breathing, sleeping, and was borderline diabetic. Today, I am proud of my accomplishments and lessons: • I run. I actually run, four times a week. • I’ve trained and completed a sprint triathlon (swim, bike and run) and currently am training for a half marathon. My ultimate goal is to complete a regular triathlon. • I wear size 14 and am happy about it. • I speak up for myself!! I am learning to set boundaries with coworkers, family and friends. • I am in counseling, not only for myself but to better communicate with my family and friends. • I ask for help and continue to attend weight loss classes, I am trying to understand and change why I use food to cope. • I live with a sister who has a personality disorder and I am learning not to let her condition disrupt my life. • I keep my body in motion. • I hear compliments about how great I look. • I ACCEPT compliments about how great I look. • I can fasten the lap belt in an airplane and pull it tight. • I enjoy clothes shopping. • I enjoy the thrill of amusement park rides. • I feel proud – not ashamed – of my body. • I enjoy exercising! • I have a positive outlook, not fearing the doom of an early, miserable death for obesity related health complications. • I eat lean protein at every meal. • I eat vegetables at every meal. • I decline doughnuts or other sweets – and don’t feeling deprived! • I make healthy eating and behavior modification a lifestyle. • I choose quality food, not gluttonous quantity. • I take responsibility for my health and wellness. • I pay constant attention to weight maintenance. • I feel deep compassion for the obese. • I am scared of the rapid transformation my body makes. • I have bouts of anger over years of self-loathing, discrimination, isolation and suffering. • When I notice that I am off plan, I make a rapid return to appropriate eating behavior. • I do see, for a time, a stranger in the mirror. • I have freed myself from obesity’s prison. • I understand that the behaviors and habits I thought were "normal" were unhealthy, destructive and abusive. This is a process!!!!

July 31, 2006:  Time moves on and like many before me, I no longer feel compelled to check this web-site as often as I did when I first started.  My life is moving on...  I do, however, still feel a special connection.  It was this board that provided me with support, inspiration, praise and comfort I needed along this journey.  I, in turn, attempted to do the same for others - when I could.

This past year, of maintanence, has brought with it many ups and downs (life, right?).  I rode them well, learned the lessons and reaffirmed my choices.  Also, I would like to share that I still have bad days (weeks).  I still use food as comfort and my life is no longer the new adventure it once was.  However, that is okay.  I have found my routine, my center.  I exercise regularly, eat with intention, and always attempt to move forward.  

I reached my year's goal of completing a half marathon, much earlier than intended (April 23rd - La Jolla Half Marathon - 2hrs and 17 minutes).  Therefore, I have decided to attempt a full marathon this December - the New Las Vegas Marathon.  Why, because a friend (fellow runner) shared his life's motto, "If I can dream it - I can achieve it."  So I am daring to dream.  You never know what you are capable of, unless you try and this year holds great promise.  I wanted to thank all of you who walked with me.

See you along the rode!!

Adriana